I spent a wonderful couple of days with my family this past week. They came into town Tuesday night and stayed until Saturday morning for Thanksgiving. It was the first time they were able to come see my new apartment, and my very first time hosting a major holiday function. My Mom and I cooked dinner together on Thursday, we went shopping on Black Friday, we lounged around, we cracked jokes, we played board games and watched football. It was the perfect way to spend a holiday.
In the spirit of giving thanks and appreciating the blessings in my life, here are a few things I am extra thankful for:
1- My family. I don't get to see them as often as I'd like since I live in another state, but I appreciate every second we do spend together. My mom has been a constant support my whole life. My brother and sister are growing into wonderful young adults and I'm so proud of them. My dad, my step dad and my grandparents are special to me and I'm happy to have their love and support in my life.
2- My best friend. She keeps me in check and provides great support. We fight, we get on each other's nerves, but we care about each other no matter what. It's one of the greatest blessings in my life to have someone I can share so much with.
3- Friends, old and new. I'm thankful for the friends I've had since 5th grade, the ones I've made recently and everyone in between. The friends I have had over the years tell a story about my life. I'm happy to have good people in my life who I can have a good time with.
4- The sisters. I'm reminded every week of the great love and support within the walls of the Mount. I walk in on Sunday and it just surrounds me. I never get tired of the hugs and the kind words from everyone. Certain sisters are always checking in on Alyssa and I to see how we're doing and to give their blessings for the week ahead. I'm still amazed by how much the sisters and the monastery mean to me.
5- My job. I'm thankful everyday that I work at such a great place with such great people. I enjoy going to work everyday and I love the kiddos I work with. I'm learning new things in a field that I never thought I'd find myself working in, but it's all great experience for the journey ahead.
6- New beginnings at work. I spent the last couple of months working with the young toddlers and found it to be more challenging than I expected. Terrible Twos are not a joke! I would never say that I disliked working with that age group, but it definitely was not within my comfort zone. I'm happy to be returning back to preschool tomorrow in my favorite classroom.
7- My dog, Daisy. Anyone who knows me knows that my dog is my pride and joy. I'm thankful for a happy pup waiting for me at home everyday. She's always excited to see me and cheers me up no matter what kind of day I've had. There's nothing in this world quite like the unconditional love of a dog.
8- My apartment. It has taken a long time, and it's still getting there in some ways, but my apartment is a special place for me. I'm proud knowing Alyssa and I pay for this place every month and that it's ours to call our own. We decorate, we cook, we clean, we share this space with friends and family. I love coming home to a place I can call my own.
These are just a few things I am most thankful for. I've been trying to journal everyday about something I'm thankful for, and most of that will stay in the journal. It's a practice I'd like to keep up. It's hard to have a bad day when you focus on the good and capture it in writing. I want to give thanks everyday for God's blessings.
Sunday, November 25, 2012
Sunday, November 11, 2012
Prayer.
Every morning I wake up around 6:45. I change out of my pajamas, put on my sneakers and leash up my dog. I walk for at least 15 minutes, sometimes almost a half hour if I have the time. I walk the quiet streets around my neighborhood and I pray. When I get back from my walk, I grab some breakfast and try to journal for a bit (this one doesn't come as easily everyday, but I'm working on it!)
I get home from work around 4:50, and since the sun is gone earlier and earlier everyday, the first thing I do when I walk in the door is leash up Daisy and head out. I'll walk her as long as I can, it depends on how much light we have, and how loudly my stomach is growling for dinner. It's a nice way to unwind after a hectic day at work.
Living at the Mount, I prayed with the community twice a day, everyday. Prayer was first thing in the morning, and first thing in the evening (or right after dinner, depending on the day of the week.) I've mentioned before that my prayer life has been falling a little flat since moving out of the monastery. But it seems to be taking on a new life.
One thing I learned in my time at the Mount is that prayer can take on any form. It is not confined to a specific place, it is not something than can be practiced only at a certain time, it is not something that God will hear only if you follow this rule or that rule. Prayer happens anytime you open your heart to God.
One major bonus of having prayer time while I walk the dog is that there is no way to skip it. Trust me, Daisy will not let me hit the snooze button. She's in my face, ready to explore a new day as soon as her eyes open. I can't help but be excited for a new day too.
"We must know that God regards our purity of heart...not our many words. Prayer should therefore be short and pure, unless perhaps it is prolonged under the inspiration of divine grace."- The Rule of Benedict, Chapter 20: Reverence in Prayer
I get home from work around 4:50, and since the sun is gone earlier and earlier everyday, the first thing I do when I walk in the door is leash up Daisy and head out. I'll walk her as long as I can, it depends on how much light we have, and how loudly my stomach is growling for dinner. It's a nice way to unwind after a hectic day at work.
Living at the Mount, I prayed with the community twice a day, everyday. Prayer was first thing in the morning, and first thing in the evening (or right after dinner, depending on the day of the week.) I've mentioned before that my prayer life has been falling a little flat since moving out of the monastery. But it seems to be taking on a new life.
One thing I learned in my time at the Mount is that prayer can take on any form. It is not confined to a specific place, it is not something than can be practiced only at a certain time, it is not something that God will hear only if you follow this rule or that rule. Prayer happens anytime you open your heart to God.
One major bonus of having prayer time while I walk the dog is that there is no way to skip it. Trust me, Daisy will not let me hit the snooze button. She's in my face, ready to explore a new day as soon as her eyes open. I can't help but be excited for a new day too.
"We must know that God regards our purity of heart...not our many words. Prayer should therefore be short and pure, unless perhaps it is prolonged under the inspiration of divine grace."- The Rule of Benedict, Chapter 20: Reverence in Prayer
Monday, November 5, 2012
Where Have I Been?
I wish I had a good story for why I haven't posted in 3 weeks, like that I was on a wild adventure out at sea or something (don't ask, that's the first thing that came to my mind!)
Last weekend I was welcomed as an initiate into the Oblate Way of Life. 21 of us were welcomed as new Oblates, with a total of 280 of us making a commitment to the Erie Benedictines. I'm so excited to have this new relationship with the Sisters and to further deepen my relationship with God and my understanding of the Rule of Benedict.
Not much else has been going on lately. Work is exciting and crazy as ever. Our migrant season is winding down which means we'll be saying good-bye to many of the kids and rearranging some classrooms very soon.
I feel like my life is boring and that I don't have much to write about lately. I'm still trying to figure out what exactly I want to do with this blog, because just reporting on day-to-day life isn't quite so exciting lately. Soooo, I'm still working on it :)
Last weekend I was welcomed as an initiate into the Oblate Way of Life. 21 of us were welcomed as new Oblates, with a total of 280 of us making a commitment to the Erie Benedictines. I'm so excited to have this new relationship with the Sisters and to further deepen my relationship with God and my understanding of the Rule of Benedict.
Not much else has been going on lately. Work is exciting and crazy as ever. Our migrant season is winding down which means we'll be saying good-bye to many of the kids and rearranging some classrooms very soon.
I feel like my life is boring and that I don't have much to write about lately. I'm still trying to figure out what exactly I want to do with this blog, because just reporting on day-to-day life isn't quite so exciting lately. Soooo, I'm still working on it :)
Sunday, October 14, 2012
Doggy Dash
Friday after work Alyssa and I hit the road and drove to Syracuse to pick up Daisy, my dog. We stayed the night there, visiting with my mom and siblings. Saturday afternoon we visited my dad and grandparents for lunch before beginning the trek back to Erie.
It was a 24 hour adventure, we left at 5pm Friday and were back at our place by 5pm Saturday. We spent almost 8 hours in the car round-trip. Daisy probably feels like her world is upside down with all the travel and all these new sights, sounds and smells. But she seems to be adjusting rather well, and I'm so happy to finally have her here, I've missed my 4-legged kid. I was asked today by one of the sisters if I feel complete now that she's here, and I definitely do. It's been two years since I last had her with me, and it felt like forever.
Welcome home Daisy :)
It was a 24 hour adventure, we left at 5pm Friday and were back at our place by 5pm Saturday. We spent almost 8 hours in the car round-trip. Daisy probably feels like her world is upside down with all the travel and all these new sights, sounds and smells. But she seems to be adjusting rather well, and I'm so happy to finally have her here, I've missed my 4-legged kid. I was asked today by one of the sisters if I feel complete now that she's here, and I definitely do. It's been two years since I last had her with me, and it felt like forever.
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| Road trip! |
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| Enjoying a chewy bone in her new home |
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| Experiencing the peninsula for the first time |
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| Bath time! Clearly not her favorite lol |
Monday, October 8, 2012
Bless This House
This past weekend Alyssa and I hosted our big house blessing. It was quite the production which included planning the blessing itself, making food and figuring out how we'd fit almost 50 people into our apartment.
I'm happy to say it went off without a hitch. We asked our director from the Benedicta Riepp program to actually do the blessing, which she was more than happy to do for us. It helped it to mean a little more to us getting to plan it with her. The response from the community was massive, as we had about 40 sisters in attendance. They loved our place and were so happy to finally see it with their own eyes.
Having been in a funk for the last few weeks, it made me feel so good to have a house full of sisters and friends. My new house felt full and warm and bursting with life and energy. I could feel the pride pouring off of the sisters as they finally got to see how Alyssa and I are doing now that we're on our own. Having them here putting their blessing on our new place has helped it to really feel like it's mine now. It has felt kind of empty these last two months. But if I listen really carefully, I can still hear the voices singing praise over my new space, and it helps it feel like home.
Thankfully, there was a sister taking lots of pictures and videos of the event which she turned into a wonderful slideshow. I'm happy to share that with all of you :)
House Blessing
I'm happy to say it went off without a hitch. We asked our director from the Benedicta Riepp program to actually do the blessing, which she was more than happy to do for us. It helped it to mean a little more to us getting to plan it with her. The response from the community was massive, as we had about 40 sisters in attendance. They loved our place and were so happy to finally see it with their own eyes.
Having been in a funk for the last few weeks, it made me feel so good to have a house full of sisters and friends. My new house felt full and warm and bursting with life and energy. I could feel the pride pouring off of the sisters as they finally got to see how Alyssa and I are doing now that we're on our own. Having them here putting their blessing on our new place has helped it to really feel like it's mine now. It has felt kind of empty these last two months. But if I listen really carefully, I can still hear the voices singing praise over my new space, and it helps it feel like home.
Thankfully, there was a sister taking lots of pictures and videos of the event which she turned into a wonderful slideshow. I'm happy to share that with all of you :)
House Blessing
Sunday, September 23, 2012
Proceed with Caution
I'm only slightly kidding with the title. I'm hoping this is the last shlumpy post of mine for awhile (or ever, actually.)
I've been in down-and-out moods before for a day or two, but I'm running on like 2 weeks straight right now. I'm waiting for the day I wake up and just feel better, but I realize it doesn't work that way.
Do I know what my deal is? Not entirely. I know a lot of it is that I've been really hard on myself lately, for who knows what reason. Instead of embracing everything about myself, I'm kicking myself for it. There's obviously no reason for that.
At the Mount today, Alyssa and I had lunch with one of the sisters, just the three of us. We caught up on a few weeks worth of life since she was away for a little while. As per usual (and one of the reasons we love her) she started grilling us on how we're adjusting and really honed in on how our spiritual lives are coming along since moving out. I'm not too proud to say that mine has been floundering a bit. It's hard to keep up a regular, daily commitment to your spirituality when it's not literally scheduled into your day. It was easier at the Mount- I won't say it was just easy, because if keeping up your spiritual life is easy, you're probably not doing it quite the way you should be.
Naturally, upon hearing from both Alyssa and I that we're slacking in this area, we marched right to her office and were handed some books. I picked out two. Each has a short daily reading and meditation. One is just general topics of spirituality, the other is geared more toward someone going through a hard time. The intro of one of the books states that the meditations are there "to help you spend a few moments each day remembering what you know." Perfect. Nothing new or scary, just reminders to set you back on the right track when you feel yourself straying. Or slumping, in my case.
As usual, God likes to hit me right in the face with things sometimes. Today's meditation was exactly what I needed: my reminder to get off my own case and embrace who I am, flaws, perfections and everything in between:
"Practice tolerance....tolerate your quirks, feelings, reactions, peculiarities, your humanness. Tolerate your ups and downs, resistance to change, struggling and sometimes awkward nature. Tolerate your fears, mistakes, natural tendency to duck from problems or pain. Tolerate your hesitancy to get close, expose yourself, be vulnerable. Tolerate the way we progress- a few steps forward and a couple back. Tolerate when you sometimes forget to trust God or occasionally get stuck...learn that all the humanness you're tolerating is what makes you and others beautiful."
Is reading this little passage my miracle cure to get me back to my usual self? No, but it's the reminder I really needed. I'm hoping that committing to reading these reflections everyday and spending some time journaling about them will help me out. I need to get back that little piece of normal that was wrapped up in daily prayer and meditation like I had at the Mount. Daily reminders that God is good, in control and loves me no matter what.
So I can be obnoxious, loud and goofy. I have a short temper, I'm shy and awkward. You'll probably never catch me getting all dolled up or doing much of anything in front of a crowd of people besides sweating and stuttering. I get embarrassed way too easy and I'm going to kick myself about it later.
But I'll tell you what else: I'll be the first one laughing at a joke and I'll do anything to see someone smile. I don't hesitate to help out another person or make their day a little better. I love and value the people in my life beyond measure and I love with every inch of my heart. I've got good people in my life who love me just the way I am and uphold me everyday. I've come a long way from the awkward teenager who hated every second of high school. I try new things, I challenge myself and try to stretch out of my comfort zone now and then. I've come into my own as the woman I want to be, even if I'm learning still everyday how to embrace every part of me. I'm proud of who I am and all I've done, no matter what.
If you've hung on this far into this post, congrats! I should give you a balloon or something. Sorry for the total spillage of...whatever this is. I don't want a million e-mails about how awesome everyone thinks I am, trust me I didn't write all of this for sympathy. I wrote it for me to release all this pent up negativity and, in a way too, to help out the people who have gotten a response of "I don't know" when they ask me "what's the matter?"
So what have we learned today?
I'm not like anyone else and that's not only OK, it's flipping awesome.
I've been in down-and-out moods before for a day or two, but I'm running on like 2 weeks straight right now. I'm waiting for the day I wake up and just feel better, but I realize it doesn't work that way.
Do I know what my deal is? Not entirely. I know a lot of it is that I've been really hard on myself lately, for who knows what reason. Instead of embracing everything about myself, I'm kicking myself for it. There's obviously no reason for that.
At the Mount today, Alyssa and I had lunch with one of the sisters, just the three of us. We caught up on a few weeks worth of life since she was away for a little while. As per usual (and one of the reasons we love her) she started grilling us on how we're adjusting and really honed in on how our spiritual lives are coming along since moving out. I'm not too proud to say that mine has been floundering a bit. It's hard to keep up a regular, daily commitment to your spirituality when it's not literally scheduled into your day. It was easier at the Mount- I won't say it was just easy, because if keeping up your spiritual life is easy, you're probably not doing it quite the way you should be.
Naturally, upon hearing from both Alyssa and I that we're slacking in this area, we marched right to her office and were handed some books. I picked out two. Each has a short daily reading and meditation. One is just general topics of spirituality, the other is geared more toward someone going through a hard time. The intro of one of the books states that the meditations are there "to help you spend a few moments each day remembering what you know." Perfect. Nothing new or scary, just reminders to set you back on the right track when you feel yourself straying. Or slumping, in my case.
As usual, God likes to hit me right in the face with things sometimes. Today's meditation was exactly what I needed: my reminder to get off my own case and embrace who I am, flaws, perfections and everything in between:
"Practice tolerance....tolerate your quirks, feelings, reactions, peculiarities, your humanness. Tolerate your ups and downs, resistance to change, struggling and sometimes awkward nature. Tolerate your fears, mistakes, natural tendency to duck from problems or pain. Tolerate your hesitancy to get close, expose yourself, be vulnerable. Tolerate the way we progress- a few steps forward and a couple back. Tolerate when you sometimes forget to trust God or occasionally get stuck...learn that all the humanness you're tolerating is what makes you and others beautiful."
Is reading this little passage my miracle cure to get me back to my usual self? No, but it's the reminder I really needed. I'm hoping that committing to reading these reflections everyday and spending some time journaling about them will help me out. I need to get back that little piece of normal that was wrapped up in daily prayer and meditation like I had at the Mount. Daily reminders that God is good, in control and loves me no matter what.
So I can be obnoxious, loud and goofy. I have a short temper, I'm shy and awkward. You'll probably never catch me getting all dolled up or doing much of anything in front of a crowd of people besides sweating and stuttering. I get embarrassed way too easy and I'm going to kick myself about it later.
But I'll tell you what else: I'll be the first one laughing at a joke and I'll do anything to see someone smile. I don't hesitate to help out another person or make their day a little better. I love and value the people in my life beyond measure and I love with every inch of my heart. I've got good people in my life who love me just the way I am and uphold me everyday. I've come a long way from the awkward teenager who hated every second of high school. I try new things, I challenge myself and try to stretch out of my comfort zone now and then. I've come into my own as the woman I want to be, even if I'm learning still everyday how to embrace every part of me. I'm proud of who I am and all I've done, no matter what.
If you've hung on this far into this post, congrats! I should give you a balloon or something. Sorry for the total spillage of...whatever this is. I don't want a million e-mails about how awesome everyone thinks I am, trust me I didn't write all of this for sympathy. I wrote it for me to release all this pent up negativity and, in a way too, to help out the people who have gotten a response of "I don't know" when they ask me "what's the matter?"
So what have we learned today?
I'm not like anyone else and that's not only OK, it's flipping awesome.
Sunday, September 16, 2012
Normalcy
Trying to find it can be a struggle. Especially after you find yourself readjusting to life after a year in a monastery. I swear, adjusting to life at the Mount wasn't half as hard as getting used to it again now that I'm not there. I'm also adjusting to not being a student and just being a working member of society. Get this- I have free time. It's crazy.
Work is helping. I have consistency in that everyday. I love my job, the kids and all the people I work with. I enjoy my job, I have fun everyday. I couldn't ask for a better place to be. I'm getting into the routine and coming into my own as a teacher. I'm a substitute teacher or a floater, so I don't stay in the same class everyday and that lends itself to some chaos every now and then, but it's nice getting to spend time everywhere and getting to form a relationship with every single kid. There's something so wonderful about walking out onto the playground and having tons of different kids all running up to me for a hug. They know how to make someone feel appreciated, that's for sure.
I haven't been as active as I'd like to be lately, and I can feel it. At the Mount, Alyssa and I were really good about getting out and walking most nights of the week for at least an hour, sometimes two. If we were feeling particularly motivated (and the weather was nice) we'd even squeeze in a half hour walk in the mornings after prayer. There was something so nice about that, all the fresh air and just getting up and moving. I'll admit in the last few weeks I've fallen pretty slack on this one. But I'm trying to get back into the groove. The last two Sundays we've made it down to the peninsula and put in a really nice 6 mile walk. And all last week we made it out for a walk around our neighborhood every night after dinner. It's a habit I have to keep, since my dog is coming soon and she needs two decent length walks everyday. She'll help keep me motivated to get up and get out.
So I'm getting there, slowly but surely :)
Work is helping. I have consistency in that everyday. I love my job, the kids and all the people I work with. I enjoy my job, I have fun everyday. I couldn't ask for a better place to be. I'm getting into the routine and coming into my own as a teacher. I'm a substitute teacher or a floater, so I don't stay in the same class everyday and that lends itself to some chaos every now and then, but it's nice getting to spend time everywhere and getting to form a relationship with every single kid. There's something so wonderful about walking out onto the playground and having tons of different kids all running up to me for a hug. They know how to make someone feel appreciated, that's for sure.
I haven't been as active as I'd like to be lately, and I can feel it. At the Mount, Alyssa and I were really good about getting out and walking most nights of the week for at least an hour, sometimes two. If we were feeling particularly motivated (and the weather was nice) we'd even squeeze in a half hour walk in the mornings after prayer. There was something so nice about that, all the fresh air and just getting up and moving. I'll admit in the last few weeks I've fallen pretty slack on this one. But I'm trying to get back into the groove. The last two Sundays we've made it down to the peninsula and put in a really nice 6 mile walk. And all last week we made it out for a walk around our neighborhood every night after dinner. It's a habit I have to keep, since my dog is coming soon and she needs two decent length walks everyday. She'll help keep me motivated to get up and get out.
So I'm getting there, slowly but surely :)
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