Advent

It's Advent, the season to prepare for the coming of Jesus, both in the celebration of His birth and in preparing for the second coming. The messages in church these last couple of weeks have dealt a lot with clearing out the clutter of life and starting fresh. It's the start of the new liturgical year and almost the end of the regular calendar year. What a perfect time to evaluate life and make some changes.

In going with the theme from recent Gospel reflections and homilies, I want to clear up some clutter in my life. In the literal sense, my room, living room and dining room are cluttered with too much stuff. I need to tidy up a bit because all this stuff laying around puts me on edge. In another literal sense I seriously need to clean out my inbox. I get probably 30 emails a day and if I'm lucky 1 or 2 are relevant and important. Most are junk and chain emails to the tune of 430-something unread messages in my inbox. I'm sick of looking at all of it, it's too much and bothers me just as much as physical clutter.

As for the not so literal, I'm trying to bag my laziness and put it to an end. My life is cluttered with crappy tv shows and too much connectedness. I spend too much time on my phone playing games or senselessly putzing around on the internet. I have a stack of books in my room I've been dying to read, and a couple of new found hobbies I'd like to pursue a little more. Out with the useless and mundane, in with the challenging and exciting.

I'm going to throw in a cute story from work just to wrap up this post. I've been in a new classroom for 2 weeks now, I'm with the oldest group of preschoolers and I love it. Every morning we do yoga and exercises with the kids after breakfast. One stretch we do everyday involves trying to touch your toes while sitting. I'm one of the least flexible people you'll ever meet, so I'm lucky to get past my knees most days. But it cracks me up because whatever kids are sitting next to me are just appalled that I can't reach and fuss at me about it. "Try harder Ms Carrie!" Or my favorite, they'll grab my wrist and try to stretch me further, to no avail. Even better though, some will grab my toes for me to help out. Gotta love it :)

Give Thanks

I spent a wonderful couple of days with my family this past week. They came into town Tuesday night and stayed until Saturday morning for Thanksgiving. It was the first time they were able to come see my new apartment, and my very first time hosting a major holiday function. My Mom and I cooked dinner together on Thursday, we went shopping on Black Friday, we lounged around, we cracked jokes, we played board games and watched football. It was the perfect way to spend a holiday.

In the spirit of giving thanks and appreciating the blessings in my life, here are a few things I am extra thankful for:

1- My family. I don't get to see them as often as I'd like since I live in another state, but I appreciate every second we do spend together. My mom has been a constant support my whole life. My brother and sister are growing into wonderful young adults and I'm so proud of them. My dad, my step dad and my grandparents are special to me and I'm happy to have their love and support in my life.

2- My best friend. She keeps me in check and provides great support. We fight, we get on each other's nerves, but we care about each other no matter what. It's one of the greatest blessings in my life to have someone I can share so much with.

3- Friends, old and new. I'm thankful for the friends I've had since 5th grade, the ones I've made recently and everyone in between. The friends I have had over the years tell a story about my life. I'm happy to have good people in my life who I can have a good time with.

4- The sisters. I'm reminded every week of the great love and support within the walls of the Mount. I walk in on Sunday and it just surrounds me. I never get tired of the hugs and the kind words from everyone. Certain sisters are always checking in on Alyssa and I to see how we're doing and to give their blessings for the week ahead. I'm still amazed by how much the sisters and the monastery mean to me.

5- My job. I'm thankful everyday that I work at such a great place with such great people. I enjoy going to work everyday and I love the kiddos I work with. I'm learning new things in a field that I never thought I'd find myself working in, but it's all great experience for the journey ahead.

6- New beginnings at work. I spent the last couple of months working with the young toddlers and found it to be more challenging than I expected. Terrible Twos are not a joke! I would never say that I disliked working with that age group, but it definitely was not within my comfort zone. I'm happy to be returning back to preschool tomorrow in my favorite classroom.

7- My dog, Daisy. Anyone who knows me knows that my dog is my pride and joy. I'm thankful for a happy pup waiting for me at home everyday. She's always excited to see me and cheers me up no matter what kind of day I've had. There's nothing in this world quite like the unconditional love of a dog.

8- My apartment. It has taken a long time, and it's still getting there in some ways, but my apartment is a special place for me. I'm proud knowing Alyssa and I pay for this place every month and that it's ours to call our own. We decorate, we cook, we clean, we share this space with friends and family. I love coming home to a place I can call my own.

These are just a few things I am most thankful for. I've been trying to journal everyday about something I'm thankful for, and most of that will stay in the journal. It's a practice I'd like to keep up. It's hard to have a bad day when you focus on the good and capture it in writing. I want to give thanks everyday for God's blessings.

Prayer.

Every morning I wake up around 6:45. I change out of my pajamas, put on my sneakers and leash up my dog. I walk for at least 15 minutes, sometimes almost a half hour if I have the time. I walk the quiet streets around my neighborhood and I pray. When I get back from my walk, I grab some breakfast and try to journal for a bit (this one doesn't come as easily everyday, but I'm working on it!)

I get home from work around 4:50, and since the sun is gone earlier and earlier everyday, the first thing I do when I walk in the door is leash up Daisy and head out. I'll walk her as long as I can, it depends on how much light we have, and how loudly my stomach is growling for dinner. It's a nice way to unwind after a hectic day at work.

Living at the Mount, I prayed with the community twice a day, everyday. Prayer was first thing in the morning, and first thing in the evening (or right after dinner, depending on the day of the week.) I've mentioned before that my prayer life has been falling a little flat since moving out of the monastery. But it seems to be taking on a new life.

One thing I learned in my time at the Mount is that prayer can take on any form. It is not confined to a specific place, it is not something than can be practiced only at a certain time, it is not something that God will hear only if you follow this rule or that rule. Prayer happens anytime you open your heart to God.

One major bonus of having prayer time while I walk the dog is that there is no way to skip it. Trust me, Daisy will not let me hit the snooze button. She's in my face, ready to explore a new day as soon as her eyes open. I can't help but be excited for a new day too.


"We must know that God regards our purity of heart...not our many words. Prayer should therefore be short and pure, unless perhaps it is prolonged under the inspiration of divine grace."- The Rule of Benedict, Chapter 20: Reverence in Prayer

Where Have I Been?

I wish I had a good story for why I haven't posted in 3 weeks, like that I was on a wild adventure out at sea or something (don't ask, that's the first thing that came to my mind!)

Last weekend I was welcomed as an initiate into the Oblate Way of Life. 21 of us were welcomed as new Oblates, with a total of 280 of us making a commitment to the Erie Benedictines. I'm so excited to have this new relationship with the Sisters and to further deepen my relationship with God and my understanding of the Rule of Benedict.

Not much else has been going on lately. Work is exciting and crazy as ever. Our migrant season is winding down which means we'll be saying good-bye to many of the kids and rearranging some classrooms very soon.

I feel like my life is boring and that I don't have much to write about lately. I'm still trying to figure out what exactly I want to do with this blog, because just reporting on day-to-day life isn't quite so exciting lately. Soooo, I'm still working on it :)

Doggy Dash

Friday after work Alyssa and I hit the road and drove to Syracuse to pick up Daisy, my dog. We stayed the night there, visiting with my mom and siblings. Saturday afternoon we visited my dad and grandparents for lunch before beginning the trek back to Erie.

It was a 24 hour adventure, we left at 5pm Friday and were back at our place by 5pm Saturday. We spent almost 8 hours in the car round-trip. Daisy probably feels like her world is upside down with all the travel and all these new sights, sounds and smells. But she seems to be adjusting rather well, and I'm so happy to finally have her here, I've missed my 4-legged kid. I was asked today by one of the sisters if I feel complete now that she's here, and I definitely do. It's been two years since I last had her with me, and it felt like forever.

Road trip!

Enjoying a chewy bone in her new home

Experiencing the peninsula for the first time

Bath time! Clearly not her favorite lol

Welcome home Daisy :)

Bless This House

This past weekend Alyssa and I hosted our big house blessing. It was quite the production which included planning the blessing itself, making food and figuring out how we'd fit almost 50 people into our apartment.

I'm happy to say it went off without a hitch. We asked our director from the Benedicta Riepp program to actually do the blessing, which she was more than happy to do for us. It helped it to mean a little more to us getting to plan it with her. The response from the community was massive, as we had about 40 sisters in attendance. They loved our place and were so happy to finally see it with their own eyes.

Having been in a funk for the last few weeks, it made me feel so good to have a house full of sisters and friends. My new house felt full and warm and bursting with life and energy. I could feel the pride pouring off of the sisters as they finally got to see how Alyssa and I are doing now that we're on our own. Having them here putting their blessing on our new place has helped it to really feel like it's mine now. It has felt kind of empty these last two months. But if I listen really carefully, I can still hear the voices singing praise over my new space, and it helps it feel like home.

Thankfully, there was a sister taking lots of pictures and videos of the event which she turned into a wonderful slideshow. I'm happy to share that with all of you :)

House Blessing

Proceed with Caution

I'm only slightly kidding with the title. I'm hoping this is the last shlumpy post of mine for awhile (or ever, actually.)

I've been in down-and-out moods before for a day or two, but I'm running on like 2 weeks straight right now. I'm waiting for the day I wake up and just feel better, but I realize it doesn't work that way.

Do I know what my deal is? Not entirely. I know a lot of it is that I've been really hard on myself lately, for who knows what reason. Instead of embracing everything about myself, I'm kicking myself for it. There's obviously no reason for that. 

At the Mount today, Alyssa and I had lunch with one of the sisters, just the three of us. We caught up on a few weeks worth of life since she was away for a little while. As per usual (and one of the reasons we love her) she started grilling us on how we're adjusting and really honed in on how our spiritual lives are coming along since moving out. I'm not too proud to say that mine has been floundering a bit. It's hard to keep up a regular, daily commitment to your spirituality when it's not literally scheduled into your day. It was easier at the Mount- I won't say it was just easy, because if keeping up your spiritual life is easy, you're probably not doing it quite the way you should be.

Naturally, upon hearing from both Alyssa and I that we're slacking in this area, we marched right to her office and were handed some books. I picked out two. Each has a short daily reading and meditation. One is just general topics of spirituality, the other is geared more toward someone going through a hard time. The intro of one of the books states that the meditations are there "to help you spend a few moments each day remembering what you know." Perfect. Nothing new or scary, just reminders to set you back on the right track when you feel yourself straying. Or slumping, in my case.

As usual, God likes to hit me right in the face with things sometimes. Today's meditation was exactly what I needed: my reminder to get off my own case and embrace who I am, flaws, perfections and everything in between:

"Practice tolerance....tolerate your quirks, feelings, reactions, peculiarities, your humanness. Tolerate your ups and downs, resistance to change, struggling and sometimes awkward nature. Tolerate your fears, mistakes, natural tendency to duck from problems or pain. Tolerate your hesitancy to get close, expose yourself, be vulnerable. Tolerate the way we progress- a few steps forward and a couple back. Tolerate when you sometimes forget to trust God or occasionally get stuck...learn that all the humanness you're tolerating is what makes you and others beautiful."

Is reading this little passage my miracle cure to get me back to my usual self? No, but it's the reminder I really needed. I'm hoping that committing to reading these reflections everyday and spending some time journaling about them will help me out. I need to get back that little piece of normal that was wrapped up in daily prayer and meditation like I had at the Mount. Daily reminders that God is good, in control and loves me no matter what.

So I can be obnoxious, loud and goofy. I have a short temper, I'm shy and awkward. You'll probably never catch me getting all dolled up or doing much of anything in front of a crowd of people besides sweating and stuttering. I get embarrassed way too easy and I'm going to kick myself about it later.

But I'll tell you what else: I'll be the first one laughing at a joke and I'll do anything to see someone smile. I don't hesitate to help out another person or make their day a little better. I love and value the people in my life beyond measure and I love with every inch of my heart. I've got good people in my life who love me just the way I am and uphold me everyday. I've come a long way from the awkward teenager who hated every second of high school. I try new things, I challenge myself and try to stretch out of my comfort zone now and then. I've come into my own as the woman I want to be, even if I'm learning still everyday how to embrace every part of me. I'm proud of who I am and all I've done, no matter what.

If you've hung on this far into this post, congrats! I should give you a balloon or something. Sorry for the total spillage of...whatever this is. I don't want a million e-mails about how awesome everyone thinks I am, trust me I didn't write all of this for sympathy. I wrote it for me to release all this pent up negativity and, in a way too, to help out the people who have gotten a response of "I don't know" when they ask me "what's the matter?"

So what have we learned today?

I'm not like anyone else and that's not only OK, it's flipping awesome.

Normalcy

Trying to find it can be a struggle. Especially after you find yourself readjusting to life after a year in a monastery. I swear, adjusting to life at the Mount wasn't half as hard as getting used to it again now that I'm not there. I'm also adjusting to not being a student and just being a working member of society. Get this- I have free time. It's crazy.

Work is helping. I have consistency in that everyday. I love my job, the kids and all the people I work with. I enjoy my job, I have fun everyday. I couldn't ask for a better place to be. I'm getting into the routine and coming into my own as a teacher. I'm a substitute teacher or a floater, so I don't stay in the same class everyday and that lends itself to some chaos every now and then, but it's nice getting to spend time everywhere and getting to form a relationship with every single kid. There's something so wonderful about walking out onto the playground and having tons of different kids all running up to me for a hug. They know how to make someone feel appreciated, that's for sure.

I haven't been as active as I'd like to be lately, and I can feel it. At the Mount, Alyssa and I were really good about getting out and walking most nights of the week for at least an hour, sometimes two. If we were feeling particularly motivated (and the weather was nice) we'd even squeeze in a half hour walk in the mornings after prayer. There was something so nice about that, all the fresh air and just getting up and moving. I'll admit in the last few weeks I've fallen pretty slack on this one. But I'm trying to get back into the groove. The last two Sundays we've made it down to the peninsula and put in a really nice 6 mile walk. And all last week we made it out for a walk around our neighborhood every night after dinner. It's a habit I have to keep, since my dog is coming soon and she needs two decent length walks everyday. She'll help keep me motivated to get up and get out.

So I'm getting there, slowly but surely :)

Holiday Weekend

I tossed around the idea for a couple of weeks to go home for this holiday weekend. Part of me didn't want to because it's like a tank and a half of gas for the round trip (have you seen gas prices lately?) I also almost passed on going home because three and a half hours in the car sucks on your own.

But something in me finally gave in and I'm really happy I went home. I spent a nice weekend camping with my family and visited with my Dad and grandparents. The weather was nice, and it was great to just kind of lounge around, play with the dogs, and spend time relaxing with my family. It was simple, it was nice, it was just what I needed.

But nothing changes that stupid drive. I realize I could live a lot further from my family, and that 3.5 hours isn't really that bad, and shouldn't be the reason I don't go home more often.


The drive actually ended up being a good thing too. Sometimes over three hours of time to yourself to think (and over-think, in my case) is way too much, like when I moved out of the Mount. This time though it was perfect. I wrestled with a couple of things I've needed to for awhile. And I felt better and found some peace.

It also helped because for the drive home today I made a station on Pandora for the band Supertramp and it was such a good decision. Fantastic music, mostly 70's rock-esque for my entire drive was perfection. As per usual, a few songs had some lyrics I needed to hear, others were just good to dance and sing to like a maniac. Here are a few for your listening pleasure.

Let It Be- The Beatles

Take the Long Way Home- Supertramp

Give A Little Bit- Supertramp

I'll save what I was thinking about and such for another post.

Jumbled Update

I received my first paycheck in over a year this week. I could have hugged the accountant at work when he gave it to me!

Our first bills for our new place have started rolling in to go along with that first paycheck. Rent is due in a few days, my car payment is going out tomorrow (not a new expense, but still a monthly pain!), gas and electric are getting paid this week, cable will pop up soon I'm sure, and my car could use gas in the next week or two. There went my check! As overwhelming as it is to have all of these expenses again, there is a sense of pride in paying them. I know that feeling will wear off in no time though and bills will just be a pain.

It's still weird to not be starting school this time of year. I'm relieved for it honestly, but to not be buying notebooks and getting geared up for the start of class tomorrow is still odd, especially when I see so many of my friends on Facebook getting ready. So to all those beginning another academic year tomorrow, whether as a student or a teacher- good luck!!

Alyssa and I successfully hosted our first little gathering at our new place last night. We had a couple of sisters and a friend over for dinner and some boardgames. Aside from the fact that it was approximately 150 degrees in our apartment, it was a great evening and it was nice to spend time with everyone. We've started planning our house blessing with the sisters too, so stay tuned for that!

My first cold of the season has hit, and thankfully it doesn't seem to be too bad and I was able to nap a bit this weekend to help it along. It started yesterday morning with a sore throat, which has calmed down a bit but is still hanging on. And I still feel blah and stuffy, but I know it could be way worse so I'm happy for that much!

Gearing up for another week of work, and a long weekend at the end of it, woohoo! I might be heading home for the weekend too which would be nice but 8 hours of driving in the span of 4 days is a bear! We'll see how I feel later in the week :)

Brace Yourselves...It's an Election Year

I'll tell you right now that I am not a fan of politics. I dread election years because I hate the constant stream of garbage being thrown around by everyone- yes, everyone, I don't care which political party they affiliate with.

I hate to define myself in terms of politics. I don't really have a political stance, I have a philosophy of how I want to live my life and of how I think every human being alive has a right to live theirs.

People in this world don't have to agree with one another, progress wouldn't exist if no one was ever challenged, if no one ever had to defend a belief. But, when something comes down to basic rights of a human being, there is no one that can deny that to anyone, least of all a politician or the Church for that matter.


Love is love- I don't care if you're straight, gay/lesbian, bisexual or anything in between or beyond those definitions- you have every right to love the person you want to love. Period.

An individual has a right to do what they want with their own body- man or woman. As a woman who has been denied medically necessitated medication for years until the women's health act went into affect August 1st, I hold this one pretty close. No woman should be denied medical care of any sort by law and leave your religious convictions out of it. God is the only person who is going to judge anyone in the end, so stop using God to justify your hatred and bigotry because it's really not making any sense.


People at the margins of society should not be at the mercy of people who have never wanted for anything in their lives. I just don't buy it when a multimillionaire politician says they're going to fight for the middle class while they simultaneously line the pockets of the banks and businesses that are paying to get them into office. If you've never barely gotten by then you're not going to understand what it feels like anymore than I understand what it's like to have millions sitting in the bank and not a care in the world.


I usually don't throw my opinion out there on things like this more than in passing conversation. But I stumbled upon the picture at the top, and it resounded with me. That's how I want to live my life and I'm sick of hearing about political stances that don't take all people into concern.


End rant. I promise this new blog isn't going to be my personal soap box :)

Also! Worth noting- a year ago today I moved into the Mount. It's crazy how fast a year went by!

So... Here I Am

Two weeks ago I completed the Benedicta Riepp program with the Benedictine Sisters of Erie, PA. I spent a year living, praying and working in the ministries of the sisters. I kept a blog during my year full of my exploits, triumphs, struggles and fun stories about being 20-something and living with 60 sisters. I learned more in a year than I ever could have imagined and made a family of wonderful women. I've recently relocated to Erie with my roommate who also did the program with me. Life on our own again is going to be quite the adjustment, but here it goes!

I've been out of the monastery for two weeks as of today. Today was also my first day back at the Mount since I left, as Alyssa and I went to liturgy this morning. It was a wonderful welcoming as countless sisters hugged me tightly and said "welcome home."

Walking in the doors for the first time in a year as a civilian (I'm exaggerating, work with me here) was interesting. There's a part of the Mount that will always be like home to me, but it definitely feels a little different. I'm in this weird in between phase- my apartment doesn't feel like home yet, and I'm no longer at the Mount. I'm adjusting, and it'll take a little while but it'll all feel right soon enough.

It was good to see everyone today, it made me so happy. I know my Sunday visit to the Mount will be a major highlight every week.

In other news- I completed my first week of work at St. Benedict's child development center. I'll be a floater in the classrooms which means I'll be working with all the age groups from little bitty infants all the way up to 5 and 6 year olds steps away from kindergarten. I'm sure I'll spend time in the kitchen or anywhere else I'm needed too. I'm pretty excited to be getting such a wide range of experience. I love the kids, the staff and the atmosphere at the daycare, and if my first week is any indication I'm really going to enjoy working there :)

I guess that'll do for now. I'm not sure how often I'll be updating right now, just stay tuned! I still need to figure out where I want to take this blog now. There is something about living in community with 60-something sisters that lended itself to entertaining and thought provoking writing. I'm still trying to get settled in my new place and in my new rhythm of life, so I guess settling the blog will come with that.


In the mean time, check out the links on the sidebar, there's some good stuff there!